Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize