If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
