I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
