It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
