I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
