If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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