Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize