...so i touched it.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
