Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
