whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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