Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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