she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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