She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
