It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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