Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
