she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
