Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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