Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize