I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I AM VODKA MAN
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
