so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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