You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
