Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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