hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
