Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize