So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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