This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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