we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize