It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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