Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
