i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
