Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
