"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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