I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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