So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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