Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
