i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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