I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
