my phone needs a breathalizer
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
