I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
