You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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