Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
