I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
