where does the pee come out of this thing
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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