That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize