My nipple is on Facebook.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
