READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
