More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
