My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
