brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
