You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
