i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
