I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize