Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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