You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
