Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
