He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
