I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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