I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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