Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
