this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is Oprah even human
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
