I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
