he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize