Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
