So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
