First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The adults are the big ones right?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
