tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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