So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
