why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
