OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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