nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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