bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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