I cockslap morals
He uses pillows to masturbate.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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