Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
