piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
