I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
