At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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