She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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