I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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