Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
