he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I will pee on everything he values.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
