how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
