Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
