I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
