she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
