I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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