return my video game
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
