just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
