I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
