Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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