I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
