I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
