Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
