It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
