I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
