Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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