I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
