I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
