I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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