New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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