So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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