i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
