Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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