Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
