I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
