i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
