Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
