I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
