I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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