I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
