Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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