ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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