I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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