Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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