we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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